My advice to the woman with the rich fiancé is to insist they move to a tiny studio apartment that fits with her budget. Insist that they live according to HER means. Naturally he will object, and your relationship will end. And you’ll be better off because he’s an asshole. Don’t marry an asshole.
Absolutely agree, excellent advice - move closer to your job!!! Why are you commuting so much? My husband had a remote job I moved us within walking distance of my job that was in person. And even in those cases when they are not obvious assholes - and you are still wavering - get some book/checklist of things to discuss before you marry. Have serious and deep conversations about who pays for childcare, for cleaning help, if you are sick, if you want to stay home with kids, what would that look like. Do not forget, once you have kids with someone you can never truly divorce them. Much easier to cancel a wedding.
So true! I wished I’d touched on the kids part of this because parenting with LW’s fiancé truly sounds like it would be hell. I love the suggestion of a book of issues to talk through before getting married. Good step to take before moving in together as well!
What’s the plan if the couple in the first question want to have a family? And if there are complications in the pregnancy, labor, or if the child has extra needs and has a nicu stay or needs a caregiver? What if the pregnancy disables her? Or she has crushing POD or PPA which is frequently exacerbated by a spouse that doesn’t show up for their half of the child rearing? I don’t see him financing her needs or support. I think he is right, really plan if this is the dude you want as a partner and co parent. Even if the coparént is for a pet.
I hope the woman leaves her fiancée. He’s a cheapskate and sounds misogynistic. Unfortunately I know of someone like that who thinks women are out to get him so he makes his live-in maid, I mean girlfriend, pay him rent and half of everything even though he’s retired. She has put up with it for almost a decade. He’s made it quite clear he will never marry her. Best thing, get out.
There are so many ways this guy is an asshole that I've run out of fingers and toes to count them. The worst part, though, is that not only is he not willing to offer appropriate financial support (i.e., going easy on someone who just had to fork over a grand to the mechanic), he's lousy at offering emotional support. And yes, financial support and appropriate action are important, but if he can't do that (he can, he just doesn't wanna), he could at least offer emotional support -- which means (among other things) not saying things like "you should have planned better" when bad stuff happens.
My advice to the woman with the rich fiancé is to insist they move to a tiny studio apartment that fits with her budget. Insist that they live according to HER means. Naturally he will object, and your relationship will end. And you’ll be better off because he’s an asshole. Don’t marry an asshole.
Sage advice! Wonder if advice columns would still exist if everyone followed the "Don't marry an asshole" rule.
They’d have little to talk about, certainly!
Absolutely agree, excellent advice - move closer to your job!!! Why are you commuting so much? My husband had a remote job I moved us within walking distance of my job that was in person. And even in those cases when they are not obvious assholes - and you are still wavering - get some book/checklist of things to discuss before you marry. Have serious and deep conversations about who pays for childcare, for cleaning help, if you are sick, if you want to stay home with kids, what would that look like. Do not forget, once you have kids with someone you can never truly divorce them. Much easier to cancel a wedding.
So true! I wished I’d touched on the kids part of this because parenting with LW’s fiancé truly sounds like it would be hell. I love the suggestion of a book of issues to talk through before getting married. Good step to take before moving in together as well!
👏👏👏
What’s the plan if the couple in the first question want to have a family? And if there are complications in the pregnancy, labor, or if the child has extra needs and has a nicu stay or needs a caregiver? What if the pregnancy disables her? Or she has crushing POD or PPA which is frequently exacerbated by a spouse that doesn’t show up for their half of the child rearing? I don’t see him financing her needs or support. I think he is right, really plan if this is the dude you want as a partner and co parent. Even if the coparént is for a pet.
Such great points! I have a feeling his 50/50 mindset does not apply to raising a child or even pet parenting.
I hope the woman leaves her fiancée. He’s a cheapskate and sounds misogynistic. Unfortunately I know of someone like that who thinks women are out to get him so he makes his live-in maid, I mean girlfriend, pay him rent and half of everything even though he’s retired. She has put up with it for almost a decade. He’s made it quite clear he will never marry her. Best thing, get out.
Dump him
There are so many ways this guy is an asshole that I've run out of fingers and toes to count them. The worst part, though, is that not only is he not willing to offer appropriate financial support (i.e., going easy on someone who just had to fork over a grand to the mechanic), he's lousy at offering emotional support. And yes, financial support and appropriate action are important, but if he can't do that (he can, he just doesn't wanna), he could at least offer emotional support -- which means (among other things) not saying things like "you should have planned better" when bad stuff happens.