Is My Rich Fiance Being a Total Cheapskate?

My fiance makes more than 3 times what I do, but he insists on splitting everything 50/50. Is this fair?

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A woman crosses her arms during an argument with a man.

My Rich Fiance Demands We Split Everything 50/50. Is That Fair?

Dear Robin,

My fiance is a data architect who makes about $200,000 working remotely for a well-known tech company. I’m an educator with a salary of around $60,000. I also have to commute about 45 minutes each day to work in an older (but paid off) car.

He insists we split every expense 50/50: rent, groceries, vacations, the costs of our upcoming wedding, etc. Our rent alone eats up nearly half my paycheck. I’m scrambling at the end of every month.

My fiance, on the other hand, has plenty of extra money. He invests a lot of it. He even jokes about retiring early. Meanwhile, I can barely save for emergencies.

Last month, my car broke down. I had to dip into my savings to cover the bill. I asked if I could give him $1,000 for rent and utilities instead of the usual $1,750.

He said OK… but then he said I’d need to give him $2,000 each month for the next three months (the usual $1,750, plus $250 for three months to make up the $750 shortfall from December).

I told him I’m struggling because of the car repair bill. His response was that I “should have planned better.”

I’ve told him that we should split our bills more proportionally relative to our incomes. But my fiance says he doesn’t want me to feel dependent on him. He says splitting things evenly is the only way to keep things fair and equal.

But he’s the one who insisted on our expensive apartment!

Am I being unreasonable? How do I address this without turning it into a fight? Or have I signed up for a lifetime of barely being able to tread water?

-Barely Breathing

Dear Barely Breathing,

I’m imagining your 10-year wedding anniversary dinner with the man you’re about to make your husband.

He orders filet mignon and top-shelf whiskey. You want the same, but you do the math and realize you can’t afford 50% of filet mignon and whiskey for two. So you seethe silently as you order an iceberg side salad and raise your glass of tap water as he toasts to a decade of marital bliss.

Because as things stand, he gets to spend money on his terms, then make you responsible for half the tab. In his budget, there’s only room for one of you to have wants or needs. And that person will never be you.

You already know the answer to your first question: No, you’re not being unreasonable.

When one person significantly outearns the other in a relationship, splitting things according to income instead of 50/50 usually makes the most sense. If the higher earner isn’t willing to do that, they’d better be willing to downsize to a lifestyle that their partner can afford.

As for broaching the issue without starting a fight: You can control what you say and how you say it. Focus on the stress you feel about your current arrangement and how it’s hindering your ability to build a life together as equal partners. But you can’t control how your fiance reacts.

Don’t worry too much about this discussion ending in argument, though. What’s the worst-case scenario?

Think about what your fiance is saying if he refuses to budge, even if he uses different words: “I’m OK with a lifetime of financial stress for you if it means I get to live the lifestyle I want.”

That won’t be an easy message to digest. But at least you’ll have the information you need to decide whether you really want to go through with this marriage.

If your fiance is determined to go halfsies on everything till death do you part, it’s best to find that out now. Don’t wait until you’re facing a crisis – like a job loss or serious illness – to test the limits of his stubbornness.

A woman traveling on a bus.

Will I Lose My Social Security if I Retire Abroad?

Dear Robin,

I’m a 63-year-old woman (divorced with three adult kids) and plan to retire this summer. I’ve had my sights set on retiring abroad for several years. Will I still be able to collect Social Security if I move outside the U.S.?

-Aspiring Expat

Dear Aspiring,

Congrats on being so close to the finish line! I have good news, which is that most expats collect their Social Security without many hurdles.

There are a handful of former USSR countries where it may be difficult to collect payments, and Social Security can’t send payments to Cuba or North Korea. But since Pyongyang hasn’t exactly caught on as a retirement destination, I’m sure you’ll be fine.

If you’re a U.S. citizen, you can usually collect benefits indefinitely even if you never return to the States. Things can get a tad more complicated if you’re a non-citizen, though, as you may need to return to the U.S. every six months to continue collecting.

When you’re ready to start benefits, you can usually sign up online from abroad. The easiest approach is to set up direct deposit through a U.S. financial institution, just as most retirees residing stateside do.

You’ll need to complete a questionnaire from the Social Security Administration every year or two. Otherwise, you won’t need to jump through many extra hoops.

Sounds simple, right? Not so fast. Healthcare is where it gets complicated for expat retirees.

You’ll still qualify for Medicare once you turn 65. But Medicare doesn’t cover most services you receive outside the U.S.

Understanding the healthcare system in your retirement destination is a must. Some countries have robust national health programs that even cover foreign residents. But often, you’ll need to buy private health insurance as an expat. It’s highly recommended that you choose a plan that covers medical evacuation to the U.S.

Medicare Part A, which covers hospital care, is premium-free for most people. But you have to pay for Part B, which covers doctor visit and outpatient care. Most seniors have Part B premiums deducted directly from their Social Security checks.

You typically face a permanent penalty if you don’t sign up for Part B during your initial enrollment period, which starts three months before your 65th birthday and ends three months after your birthday month.

Enrolling in Part B may not be worth it if you’re confident you’ll live abroad forever. But if you think you may eventually return to the U.S., you may still want to sign up to avoid the potential penalty.

Things like healthcare and taxes can get complicated when you retire to another country. A financial planner who has experience working with expats could be helpful as you navigate these mazes.

Lastly, you may find that a place is a great destination to visit, but not so much when you have to deal with everyday things like transportation, grocery shopping, and doing your laundry. You also want to build a support network you can lean on when you’re far away from loved ones.

Try spending a few months in whatever country you’re considering before you make this giant (but exciting!) leap.

Your two cents: What’s your dream retirement destination? Let me know by leaving a comment!